Building a business and career is no different than birthing a “brain child”.
Your water broke and you’re ready as ever to push and welcome your little miracle of life to the world.
And there you are, pushing and pushing, one painful breath after the other - and nothing!
Might as well just mope around like a hungover college kid with a stained ACDC shirt, looking for a goddamn cure.
I see you, hustling to no end, taking one course after the next, constantly binging youtube videos, podcasts - you name it!
And yet somehow you’re stuck in that bottleneck wondering “why am I not successful in my career?”, sitting there like a potted plant, while others seem to accelerate as fast as the covid spread.
I mean sure, there are a cluster of general qualities of a successful person, but it actually goes deeper than that.
And so without further ado, here is why some succeed and others don’t…
THE REAL REASON
We keep chasing after the next strategy, the next follower, the next customer.
But what you don’t realize is that you have to internally search; what’s actually holding you back *cue the yogini vibes*
There are internal INVISIBLE beliefs that's clogging things up for you. And the shocking thing is that you’re probably as blind as a church mouse to it.
Your outlook of the world, the way you deal with people and the thoughts that live in your head (rent free) - are some of the biggest contributors to why you’re feeling as stuck as a fat man in a floatie.
It won’t matter how many articles you read, how many podcasts you listen to, or how hard you work, because it actually comes down to two things:
your internal beliefs
And your self worth!
Sigh! Not another “believe in yourself” cliche.
Bare with me!
You see, a lot of our wiring took place when we were still running around in diapers. And some of the values you’ve internalized as a little kid has stuck with you to this day.
The human brain is no different than a computer’s operating software system. A developer has input a set of formulas and it acts accordingly. In this scenario, a developer resembles a parent or caregiver, where you’ve been exposed to a set of beliefs and that’s been internalized as your algorithm.
That’s why self-reflection will make things as clear as the Mykonos sky. Take a hard look at your past experiences and how it impacted your ‘algorithms’.
Ok, ok Nadine - can you get to the point?
Let’s look at it one ‘internal belief’ at a time.
They don’t call it “nice guys finish last” for nothing! Which is sorta odd, cause people-pleasing is actually more common in women than in men.
*Warning* Tough love ahead…
If you’re a people pleaser, then you’re probably as insecure as Netflix disrupting your binging - constantly asking you if you’re still watching.
Your desire to please others ties back to the need of feeling accepted and liked.
Ok, but how does ‘people pleasing’ play a role in slowing down the growth of a business?
When you’re constantly saying ‘yes’ to others, you’re not only depleting your energy but you’re filling your calendar with unnecessary tasks that has nothing to do with your end goal.
And as a recovering people-pleaser myself, I get it!
You probably try to resist as much as a girl on a juice cleanse who’s desperate for a chocolate bar. But somehow your body actively fights against it, saying “yes” to even the most annoying requests #AmIRite?
So why does this happen?
The core is different from one person from the next, but the base of it actually goes back to how you were raised.
Here’s an example…
You’re a high achiever excelling in several areas of life: school, sports, academics. But no matter what you did, you could never seem to impress your parents.
Getting any sort of praise from them was like the school nerd waiting to be picked in gym class.
And thus, people pleasing has slowly morphed itself as a way of life for you.
Striving for flawlessness is engraved in your DNA - you can’t shake it off if you wanted to.
Your work needs to be nothing short of perfection that it would put the most adorable unicorn to shame.
And while perfection seems like a good thing to strive for - it’s no different than a heavily advertised nyquil ad.
Side effects may include: procrastination, feeding into a cynical loop of self-doubt, dissatisfaction, anxiety and feeling like a failure.
And this ultimately perpetuates the “why can’t I be successful?” mindset.
So why does perfectionism happen?
Again, this really all depends on your own upbringing.
Here’s an example…
You’re the youngest sibling of 3 - all high achievers!
And filling in their giant shoes is like a 2-year-old wearing his father’s oversized suit. So the only way you stood out was to outperform them and those around you. And the way you did that was to aim for perfection.
YOU HAVE TO 'STRUGGLE' TO DESERVE IT
For some reason, if something comes ‘easily’ to you - then “something’s off” cause it “can’t be that easy” right?!
You go about it unacknowledged because you haven’t struggled enough to feel worthy of the outcome.
Hellooooo imposter syndrome!
And because you feel it came way too naturally to you, you end up undercharging since you haven’t really struggled for it.
*Newsflash* if something takes you a shorter amount of time than what's deemed as typical, you should actually be charging MORE (not less!).
And so burnout becomes an emotion that’s all too familiar, feeling as messy as a taco from a rundown food truck.
Putting yourself through burnout has become a base algorithm.
A struggle means you’ve ‘earned’ the outcome.
Wait, what? Isn’t working hard what makes a person successful?
This is one of the biggest scams in human history.
And it’s actually no surprise after years of propaganda during the industrial revolution.
What does that have to do with anything?
Well, during that era, you had to be put through physical labour in order to get production done. And physical labour is what? You guessed it, it’s a struggle!
Our body is a limitation and as a result people were physically and emotionally struggling to upkeep with demand- LITERALLY. And thus turned into that struggling equates to success.
It quickly became a fallacy that's been passed on from generations on end.
Is hard work necessary for success? Abso-fucking-lutely.
But somehow, you’re probably unintentionally making things harder on yourself to capitalize on feeling deserving of the result.
THE SOLOIST APPROACH
Make way for Wonder Woman! Everything has to be done by you and ONLY you. The lone-wolf style of working is the only way you’re worthy of ‘success’.
Asking for help is like a sign of weakness. You must never reveal your weaknesses.
Because that need to accomplish everything on your own enables you to gain credibility - not necessarily from others, but from yourself.
You run around trying to do everything yourself that it ends up resembling a poorly orchestrated puppet show.
Sounds like you?
So why does this happen?
You know what I’m about to say - take a look at your upbringing and past experiences.
Let’s take a look at an example…
You’re the eldest sibling, father isn’t in the picture and your mom is barely holding 2 full-time jobs to keep food on the table.
So you had to assume a responsible role from a very young age to account for your household and siblings.
Doing things on your own manifested in your identity because that’s how you took care of yourself and others.
HOW TO MANIFEST BUSINESS SUCCESS
Ok Nadine, but what personal qualities contribute most to a person’s success, or what makes a person successful?
If I would summarize it into one sentence, it would be a shit ton of unlearning!
I mean sure, we got the typical responses of: work hard, look at your data, create a strong network - but all of that is worthless if you’re not internally resolving your own hidden beliefs.
If any of the aforementioned resonated with you, then it’s time to make like an archeologist and dig a little in your past.
Prioritize understanding yourself better.
We spend so much time being worried about how we’re being perceived, when we do SO little to understand and perceive ourselves.
So instead of wandering into the narnia, have a genuine conversation with yourself to understand your own complexities and what you need to do to demystify it.